Psalm 112:2 says, “His descendants will be mighty on earth; the generation of the upright will be blessed.”
As parents, our chief desire for our children should be that they love God and honor Him with their lives. The Book of Proverbs is full of wisdom for those who want to raise kids that count in the cause of Christ.
We must first give them an example: “My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother…” (Proverbs 1:8). Our children will learn more from our lifestyle than they will learn from our words. Good character is not so much taught as it is caught; it must be demonstrated through us.
Second, we should give our children unconditional love, regardless of their misbehavior. This doesn’t mean we give them everything they want. True love is not giving children what they want, but rather, what they need.
We must give our children constant encouragement. There’s a difference between praise and encouragement. Praise focuses on the accomplishments of the child, while encouragement focuses on the actual child.
Our children need to know they are not a sum of their achievements, and that we love them for who they are.
We must also give them wise instruction. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” When we teach our children Scripture, it should be joined with training, so they can learn how to apply it for themselves when they are grown.
We should also give them reasonable restrictions. Adrian Rogers says, “Limitations don’t bind the child; really they set him free.” When we establish restrictions, our children will naturally push against them. If the restrictions give, our children will lack confidence in themselves. This is the reason so many children are conquered by the things of this world.
We must also give them a listening ear; be ready when they’re ready to talk, and make time for it.
Finally, give them a happy environment; our homes should be full of laughter, fun, joy, and silliness. Adrian Rogers says, “A vegetable plate is better than a steak dinner if you have love, joy, and happiness.”
Apply it to your life
If you want to raise kids that count for the cause of Christ, remember to be firm, fair, and fun.
how would you like to have a gifted child? Now I know all of us think our Children are gifted especially our grandchildren. But how would you like to have a gifted child? Well that’s that’s a doable thing. You just make the gifts. I want to talk to you today about some gifts that you can give to your Children. Mhm. Pastor teacher and author. Adrian Rogers was a husband of 54 years. He was also a father, a grandfather and a great grandfather who loved to counsel couples both young and old using biblical principles for building their homes this month on love worth finding. We will be sharing some of those principles with you have your bibles ready and join us as we learn how to build our marriages, our families and our homes. And if this message is an encouragement to you remember you can stream this message again and download pastor Rogers outlined notes and other resources to go along with this message all at L WF dot org. Now let’s join Adrian Rogers, would you find the book of proverbs? We’re going to be in the book of proverbs all together this morning. So get it laid out in your lap and study these verses with me. We’re talking today about raising kids that count one of my life versus from the book of psalms. Is this the generation of the upright shall be blessed. And I have held God to that promise that God will bless my Children. My chief desire for my kids is not that they be wealthy, not that they be famous and not that they always be praised or whatever, but that they will love the Lord, jesus christ and count in his cause kids that will count for God. Now, may I ask you a question, how would you like to have a gifted child? Now, I know all of us think our Children are gifted, especially our grandchildren, But how would you like to have a gifted child? Well, that’s that’s a doable thing. You just make the gifts. I want to talk to you today about some gifts that you can give to your Children. The book of Proverbs tells us about these gifts. So let me mention seven of them. If you’d like to have a gifted child. Okay, the first thing you ought to give them is you need to give them an example. Give to them an example. Notice in proverbs chapter one verses seven through nine. The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Now if they don’t learn to respect God, they’re not going to have a modicum of genuine knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son here. The instruction of thy father and forsake not the law of my mother, for they shall be an ornament of grace under the head and chains about thy neck. Kids. He’s not talking about an iron chain to drag you around with him talking about a gold chain. There would be something beautiful and then proverbs. Chapter 20 and verse seven the just man walks in his integrity. His Children are blessed after him. Now, I’m going to tell you something folks, your kids are going to learn more from your lifestyle, then they’re going to learn from your words. You need to give to them a Godly example. Now, if that makes you nervous, let me tell you something. You don’t have to pretend perfection. You know, you’re not perfect. And I’ve got news for you. They already know you’re not perfect. And so if you try to pretend perfection, you’re going to come across as a phony. Your kids don’t want to know that you’re perfect. They want to know that your real, your kids want to know that you are genuine. They’re going to be watching you to see how you handle your mess ups. Do you ever mess up, nod your head, we’ll just mess up and and our kids want to know, how do you how do you handle your mess ups? How do you handle your failures? How do you handle your problems? That would be better to them than your phony perfectionism share with your kids, give them an example, You know, the problem with this? The real problem, it’s about the time your experience being a parent, you’re out of a job, isn’t that right? And so the two hardest times, I guess, of life of middle age and teenage and somehow God puts them together. Uh, but give your kids an example, your kids are going to learn more from your example than actually from your words. Did you know there are a lot of things that they can’t learn any other way. They can’t really learn in sunday school, they can’t learn in public school, they’ve got to be demonstrated. And what are we interested in with our kids? Well sports grades, physical health, popularity ability, but who is teaching them character? We owe to our kids an example. Now number two not only give to them a godly example, but give to them unconditional love. Now write these things down. I’m gonna give you seven of You want to have a gifted child, give him unconditional love. Look in Proverbs chapter four vs one through 4. Here your Children the instruction of a father and attend to no understanding for I give you good doctrine, Forsake ye not my law. Yes, that’s fine. Good doctrine. Teaching law. Yes, but notice this for I was my father’s son tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother, He taught me also and said unto me, let thine heart retain my words, keep my commandments and live. You know, we need to give to our kids love. That is absolutely totally unconditional. I have noticed that men who had fathers who did not love them do not really know how to give love to the kids. They have to be taught and we have to have a generation of men now who are going to mentor some other men who never had a father to actually give them love and to show them unconditional love. We have to break that cycle Now. Unconditional love doesn’t mean that you give to a child everything he wants. That’s not really love at all. True love is not giving to someone what they wanted is giving to someone what they need. But there must be unconditional acceptance regardless of the child’s misbehavior. I may not accept what you do, but I accept you. They need to know that enough so that when they are in trouble, when they do misbehave, they’ll still come to you. They’ll still come. They won’t be afraid to come to you. Now if they don’t have a sense that my dad loves me, no matter what I do, my mom loves me no matter what I do. They’re not going to share their mess ups with you at that. There needs to be that unconditional love. And you know that love needs not to be merely in words, but it has to have some physical attachments to it. We have to be constantly touching them and hugging them and holding them. Now you’re a big old teenage boy. He’ll act like he doesn’t want that but do it anyway. It’s Biblical luke. Chapter 15 in verse 20. When the prodigal son comes home, his father sees him falls on his neck hugs him and kisses him. I saw a bumper sticker that said kids need hugs, not drugs. They need somebody to physically teach them about this love that that is a very physical thing. We have a generation of kids today who associate physical touching with sexual intimacy. They need to see beyond this. They need to be touched affectionately and supportively and playfully and tenderly. If they don’t get that, they’re not going to feel your sense of true love. Let your kids see you and your wife, you and your husband Hugging one, another not just simply romantically, but let them learn how to be touched Charles swindle, whom we all wrote this. I want you to listen to it Many a young woman who opts for immoral sexual relationships does so because she can scarcely remember a time when her father so much as touched her. Un affectionate dads without wishing to do so can trigger a daughter’s promiscuity. All of this leads me to write with a great deal of passion. Dads don’t hold back your affection, demonstrate your feelings of love and affection to both sons and daughters and don’t stop. Once they reach adolescence they long for your affirmation and appreciation. They will love you for it. More importantly, they will emulate your example when God gives them their own family love them unconditionally. And not only do you need to give them an example, You need to give to them on conditional love. Got it. They got it. Okay now number three, you need to give to them constant encouragement, constant encouragement. Listen to Verse 21. My son. Let them not depart from. Thine eyes. Keep sound wisdom and discretion. So shall they be life under thy soul and grace to the high neck? Then shalt thou walk in thy way safely and thy foot shall not stumble. Do you hear the encouragement here? When thou lies down? Thou shall not be afraid? Ye thou shalt lie down and thy sleep shall be sweet. Be not afraid of sudden fear. Neither of the desolation of the wicked when it comes. For the Lord shall be thy confidence and shall keep thy foot from being taken. Now, here’s the wisest man who lived uh purely human outside the Lord, jesus who was Solomon. And can you see the sense in which he’s talking to his son and who is encouraging his son? You bless your Children with encouragement. When when you regularly encourage a child, what you’re doing is giving to that child confidence and confidence is so needed. What you’re really doing is blessing the child over and over again. We ask our heavenly father what what is the one thing we probably say more than anything else when we pray to our heavenly father? Oh, God bless me! God bless me! You want your heavenly father to bless you. I’m telling you. Your child needs a blessing from his earthly father. And that blessing is encouragement rather than trying to catch them doing something wrong. Try to catch them doing something. Right? Let your speech not always be negative. Let it be positive. Now, I wanna tell you something there is a difference between praise and encouragement. A lot of us think we’re encouraging a child when we’re praising a child and we may really be discouraging child by praise. Let me show you the difference between praise and encouragement. Pray said So you got all A’s. I’m proud of you, our son. Oh, boy. You really did great on in the game. We would have lost the game. Had it not been for you, son? You’re really a great athlete and your praise him. What are you saying that child? Really you’re saying, you know, my dad is really proud of me because of what I do. Now, suppose sometimes he doesn’t do so well, I suppose sometimes he does not achieve. Suppose he doesn’t make straight A’s. Now, what does that say to his mind? You see, that’s praised. What is encouragement? Encouragement might be say say, son, we didn’t win the game. My son. I saw you were really trying. Thank you son for that. Well, you didn’t make straight A’s. I’ll tell you one thing you have done. I saw your study, you did your homework and I’m grateful for that. I really believe that you tried as best. You know. How do you see the difference? It may be a subtle thing, but but learn to encourage these kids encouragement says, I love you, I am grateful for you. Not necessarily because you achieved, but because of who you are billed glass. It was a great football player in my generation. Bill Glass goes into prisons and many times you’ll ask those prisoners a question like this, How many of you? How many of you had a father who said to you, you will never amount to anything. One of these days. You’re gonna end up in prison. Almost every one of them lifted his hands. Almost every one, you’ll never amount to anything. One of these days you’re going to end up in prison. Friend, give them an example, give them unconditional love. Give them encouragement. Now it’s time to give them wise instruction. Look in proverbs two verses one through seven. Here’s the instruction. Listen to it, my son. If thou wilt receive my words and hide my commandments with thee. So that thou incline thine ear into wisdom and apply the heart to understanding. Yea, if thou christ after knowledge and lift lift up thy voice for understanding. If thou see kissed her that is knowledge as silver and searches for her as for hid treasures. Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord. Giveth wisdom. Now out of his mouth, come with knowledge and understanding he lays up sound wisdom for the righteous and he is a buckler to them that walk up rightly. And then the corresponding passage proverbs? 22 verse six, Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Now. We give them wise instructions. But wise instruction is always joined to training, train, train give instructions line upon line. Precept upon. Precept The prime educational institution is the home. Did you know? Sadly we have a generation of kids today who don’t even know right from wrong. They really don’t josh McDowell said this and he’s talking about church kids. Listen to this according to his research, This is frightening. Listen to it, 57% of our young people cannot even say that an objective standard of truth exists. That’s church kids. More than half of them don’t even believe that there’s a fixed standard of right and wrong. and 85% of our kids are liable to reason like this just because it’s wrong for you doesn’t mean that it is wrong for me. Over half, 55% agree with this statement. Everything in life is negotiable. Ah There’s in their mind no distinction between a fixed standard of right and wrong is given. In the 10 commandments, click up here. Let me ask you a question, How many of you don’t answer these questions out loud, but think it’s a disgrace that the 10 commandments have been taken from the walls of America’s schools and some are trying to remove them from public places. Most of us would agree with that. Second question, How many of you have the 10 commandments posted in your home? Don’t answer. That would be too embarrassing. Third question, How many of you parents who grouse about your kids not being able to read the 10 commandments in school, know the 10 commandments. There’s some of you. If I if I were pull you out and bring you up here, you’ve been members of this church for years. You couldn’t name the 10 commandments in order. If I gave you a Ferrari, that’s right. You couldn’t do it. All. Our kids need to know. Our kids don’t know the difference between right and wrong. How are they going to learn it? If we do not give them wise instructions. And that instruction is joined with training. The secular humanists have taken us over number five, give them reasonable restrictions. Now, underscore the word reasonable proverbs six, beginning in verse 20. My son, keep thy father’s commandment and forsake not the law of my mother, bind them continually upon thine heart and tie them around about the neck. When thou ghost It shall lead thee when thou sleep ist. It shall keep thee! When thou away kissed. It shall talk with the for the commandment is a lamp and the law is light and the re proofs notice this, The re proofs of instruction are the way of life. Now we set goals for our kids at least encourage them to set goals for themselves, but we also need to give them uh limitations. There are some things that need to be denied. There are restrictions. Now we have a society today that believes that’s wrong. But I wanted to say that God had some Children and put them in the garden of Eden and God gave them some limitations. God gave some restrictions to his original pair. Adam and Eve limitations don’t bind the child. Really. They set them free. When you give a child limitations restrictions, he will push against them. If they give that child will have no confidence whatsoever. He will feel unloved. If those restrictions move and if you don’t put limitations on him, he will allow somebody else to do the same thing. It is an amazing thing. No limitation on a child implies that you have rejected that child. And that’s the reason so many Children are conquered by somebody else. One of our deacons here in our church and I might call his name because one of his kids is involved. But one of his kids asked his mama. I like what this deacon did. He said to that boy, 18, I believe he said, son. You’ve asked your mother and you’ve sinned against God when you did that. And that’s between you and God, you don’t have to get it right with God and you stand against her and that’s between you and your mother and you’re gonna have to get it right with her. But I said, he said something else. I like this, said not only is she your mother, but she’s my wife. And you can’t talk to my wife that way. Well, I like that. She is my wife. And I’m not going to have any man, you or anybody else disrespecting my wife. I bet he didn’t do it again for a short time. Anyway. All right, alright, now you owe to them. You owe to them restrictions and and find out what they are. Now next, then we’ve got to hurry. Give to them a listening ear Proverbs 18 verses 13 and following he that answers a matter before he hears it. It is a folly and shame to him. The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity. That is his weakness, but a wounded spirit who can bear I mean, if if a child spirit is broken, it’s terrible. The heart of the prudent get with knowledge, and the ear of the Wise seeking knowledge. You have to be willing to listen when they want to talk. Be ready. Don’t be in a rush! Listen to them. Never be too busy to listen to your child, especially a teenager. I must rush past that to get to the last thing. Give them a happy environment. Give them a happy environment. Listen to proverbs 15 verse 13, a merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken. The heart of him that hath understanding, seeking knowledge. But the mouth of fools feed it on foolishness all the days of the afflicted or evil. But he that is of a merry heart, hath a continual feast. Better is little with the fear of the lord than great treasure and trouble. There with better is a dinner of herbs. It’s a vegetable plate where love is than a stalled ox. That’s filet, mignon and hatred there with that’s what he’s talking about. A vegetable plate is better than a steak dinner. If you have love, if you have joy, if you have happiness, let your home be filled with laughter and fun so many times, kids ask my kids, what’s it like being raised in preacher’s home? Does your father go around the house preaching all day long? What’s it like? I dare say that our home is far above the average in laughter and fun and joy and silliness. Let me tell you how to raise kids beef, be firm, be fair, and be fun and don’t be ashamed if you have a sense of humor, psychologists tell us that a good sense of humor is one of the highest signs of intelligence and laughter lubricates the home and let your home ring with laughter. This first talks about those who have a broken spirit and when the string is snapped the spark disaster. The enthusiasm. The fight is gone Now, I’m not talking about course, unclean laughter. The Bible warns in Ephesians five verse 4. Neither filthy nous and a foolish talking nor jesting, which are not convenient, but rather giving thanks. You said, does God believe in laughter? Let me give you a verse genesis 21 verse six. And Sarah said God hath made me to laugh so that all that hear will laugh with me. God gave her son, you know what she called her son? Isaac. You know what Isaac means laughter by the way, learn to laugh at yourself, learn to laugh at your problems. You’ll have plenty to laugh at. When I was a kid down in florida, we had a terrible hurricane to come through and my dad was out there with the other men nailing up plywood on the windows and doing all this stuff and and the wind was chilled. My dad came in and he shivered and all the electricity was off. My dad came in the house and shut the door against the wind. I’m a little boy. Their eyes wide wondering, is our house gonna blow away? Is this it my dad so cold. He looked at my mother and said, I’d give $5 for a cup of coffee. My mother went to tap, filled the pot with water, put it on the gas stove, made him a cup of coffee, forgot we had a gas stove, he looked at her, reached in his pocket And gave her $5 and we just had a big laugh, Just a big laugh, Just a time of tension? Just learn how to laugh friend. Listen, you can have a gifted child if you give a child these seven gifts and I promise you on the authority of the word of God, it’ll make a difference in your home. I thank God for christian home, I don’t know of anything any better than a christian home. Your home doesn’t exist so you can do your business, your business exists, so you can have your home and may I tell you this that God ideally wants everybody to have three homes, you know what they are, family home, a church home and a heavenly home, jesus is the greatest homebuilder, satan is the greatest home wrecker. God wants you to have a family home. Now maybe you’re an orphan, maybe you’re divorced, maybe you’re separated, then you need some friends who would be sort of a family to you. That’s one of the good reasons we have bible fellowship classes, and churches, but you need some kind of a family home and then you need a church home, you need a place with your brothers and sisters in christ and then you need to know that you know that you know and when you die you’re going to heaven to the father’s house. Now Jesus is the key to all three. You have to know the Lord jesus christ did you buy your heads in prayer? Friend, may I say another word to those of you who are watching. If you would like to do what these are doing this morning in our worship center, I invite you to pray a prayer like this. Dear God, I’m a sinner, name loss, I need to be saved and I want to be saved. Lord jesus come into my heart, forgive my sins, save me. Lord jesus. Now you don’t have to remember all of those words. You can just pray save me. Lord jesus. And if you’ve done that, would you write to us and let us know and we’ll send you some literature to help you get started in your christian life. We hope that today’s message has been an encouragement to you as we have looked at God’s plan for your marriage and your family. You can stream this message again, share this message with a friend and download other resources related to this message all at L Wf dot org or the my L WF app while you’re there. Be sure to check out the new bible studies on today’s topic as well as many other topics at L Wf dot org. You can also subscribe to our daily heartbeat emails. Each heartbeat contains a daily devotional from Adrian Rogers, 90 seconds of profound truth. Also from Adrian Rogers as well as a link to our daily radio program, all in one place delivered directly to your computer or mobile device each day. And if you’re looking for some inspiration or encouragement to get you through the week, check us out on social media at L WF ministries or you can catch up with our program each week on our facebook page or Youtube channel or on the my L WF out. Thanks for joining us for today’s message. We’ll see you next time. It’s not love that keeps your marriage together. It’s marriage that keeps your love together. And marriage is based on commitment and commitment is based on the lordship of jesus christ to have sweet music in our homes. We need melody. Harmony and rhythm. Pastor, speaker and author. Adrian Rogers helps couples of all ages experience the music of marriage in this profound new book from Love worth finding, taken straight from the messages of Adrian Rogers learn how to have harmony in the home, what to do when the string snaps, how to tune up tire marriages and more for your gift. This month we’d like to send you a copy of the music of marriage request yours when you call 1 806 47 94 100. Or you can give online at L WF dot org