When You Don’t Particularly Like A Child

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Do you like your kids? Some phases of raising children are definitely more challenging than others. And if you are feeling like you really don’t like your kids right now, that’s okay! Joyce is here to tell you; things will get better! Joyce and Ginger discuss the highs and lows of raising kids and share some insightful secrets to loving your kids through the best…and the hardest times in this important episode of Candid Conversations with Joyce.

 

 

Joyce. I really think people are going to like this candid conversation topic today, but we have to be very careful how we describe it because of course everyone loves their Children, but there are times that we don’t like them very well. So today we want to talk about those times, different phases in people’s lives when maybe there’s something you’re going through with a child that you just don’t like them very well right now. Have you ever had any times like that? My Children were all perfect. I just love them to pieces. I remember telling my Children I love you, but I just don’t like you right now. Yeah, there’s probably things about each one of my Children that I didn’t like, but two of them in particular, I had some major issues with not keeping in mind that I was still having some major issues myself, especially with my oldest son, I loved him, but I just didn’t like him because he just, I didn’t know why at the time, but I found out since it was because he was just like me and so we were constantly clashing because we were both the type a driven. I’m gonna have my way, don’t try to tell me what to do, type thing and I don’t care what I cooked for dinner. He didn’t like it and you know, he was one of the teenagers that rolled his eyes back in his head and slumped in his bed and you know, I remember him telling me one time. Well if you were, if you wouldn’t have been the way you were, I wouldn’t be the way uh so we just, we had a rough go. I mean I have to say when he moved away from home he went to, he went to florida to go to school to be a missionary and I was just so glad and that’s okay to say, right? Yeah. I mean there are times that we’re struggling with our, with our Children. The relationships change in different ways as the Children age and sometimes we need a break. Well now he runs our world missions program and you know, I can say that I get along great with all my Children now they all loved me to pieces. I mean I would say that there’s a lot of days when I talk to every single one of them, my one daughter, which was the one that I had such a hard time with when she was growing up, which I’ll tell you about in a minute, first thing she does every morning after when she wakes up is call me a lot of times she’ll still be in bed when she calls me and she was, she was just messy. You know, she was very passive and laid back and hated school and just barely got by and you know, I was real miss neat and tidy and you know, I remember those speeches if you’re gonna live in my house, you’re gonna keep this room clean. You remember Dave finally said one time he said, you tell me the things that you absolutely cannot put up with and I’ll make her do them. Other than that, you have to stop this because he said, all you to do is fight all the time. And honestly, we had argued so much. By the time she left home, she did not call me or speak to me for six months after she got married. And now she does every day. Well now she, you know, she actually helps take care of me. You know, this morning I had was having a trouble problem with my phone and she just got in the car and came over and fixed it for me. And she’s we’re just, we’re just real close now. And, you know, I have four Children, my oldest son, David, and I had a lot of issues with him when he was growing up. It was challenging, but it was a lot of it was because he was just like me. And to be honest, I didn’t like myself. And I think a lot of times, you know, the child that you, if you don’t like yourself, you’re not gonna like the child that’s like you. And then also the ones that are totally opposite of you, that can be an issue too, because you expect them to do things. I was miss neat and tidy. So I expected her to clean up. And I always say, when, when Laura came home from school, you could see a trail. She’d drop her coat, drop her books, you know half the time she couldn’t find things and uh but there were good times too, you know it wasn’t like it wasn’t like everything was bad. You know we did things with our kids. I remember when she was in brownies and she’d put on her little brownie outfit, I would take her to brownies and you know, I think especially if there’s any teenagers watching, please don’t be offended. But I think especially when kids are going through the teenage years they’re starting to want their freedom and that’s something God puts in them, they’re starting to pull away, they have more opinions, they’re quick to give them to you. They’re kind of not wanting people to tell them what to do anymore and you’re not finished telling them what to do now. I mean I remember like her and I having a big argument over bikinis were becoming thing was she wanted a two piece bathing suit, I told her she could get a two piece but it wasn’t gonna be a bikini and she found one that I thought was too long. I mean we just had the biggest fight over that and but it’s all worked out six months after she was married, she came to my house and she sat down and she said you know what you were right about everything. Oh it was a wonderful day that yes that was a wonderful day, but what you’re saying, a lot of people want to hide, like we don’t ever want anybody to think that we are having any problems with our Children or that our relationships aren’t perfect and so I think it’s great just to bring this up in the open and say it’s okay if there’s a phase that is not going exactly like you wanted to write, I told my daughter this morning what the content was going to be today, she said, well I know who will be in that and they’re so good about letting me, you know, because not every relationship is perfect, you know, I read something in a book the other day and it just blessed me so much and I’m actually gonna do a teaching on this, but it’s okay to not be okay, you know, we don’t always have to be loving toward everybody all the time, you know, and I always loved my kids. I never did not love my kids, but there were times when I didn’t like them now, my youngest daughter Sandra, she was a perfectionist and so uh she suited me pretty well because she tried to do everything just right, you know, however, you know, she had issues too because she would like if she made one mistake on a piece of homework, she’d wind it up in a ball and throw it away and start all over again and so you know, that was hard on her, we all have our things and my youngest son who’s the ceo of all the stuff besides the world missions. I mean he just, he was my baby first of all and uh you know, I just loved him to pieces, but he was also uh just, he’s got some type a but a lot of sand going and he just wanted to have fun, you know, he hated school. Uh, he just, he’s not a book type person, he’s more of a hands on type person and he amazes me like he has a gift of wisdom and he can fix almost anything, but he still doesn’t, it’s not crazy about reading, you know, it’s just different people are different and I think if you want to get along with people you have to stop trying to make people be what you want them to be. A statement that I heard that I think is very good is you have to learn to love people where they’re at, not where you want them to be. And it’s the same for your kids. Right? Same for your kids, Your kids are people, sometimes we don’t think of them that way. That’s right. I have a book called teenagers are people too because I think we think sometimes our kids, you know just aren’t aren’t people and so I’m sure that, you know, you had uh, well just two girls, but I’m sure that, you know, you had issues, you had challenges at different times, different, different phases of different things happen in our life. And I remember the first time um when our first daughter was two years old and like she was the most darling baby, everything was just perfect and she hit two and was like, who is this crazy child? And you know that it’s like, I don’t, I don’t know that I want to continue this right now. So, and you know, then you get through that phase and then it’s more difficult as they get older of course, and because the problems are just different in there and they’re bigger problems and um you work through them, but there are, there are times that you have these feelings, right? It’s you always choose to love, but there are times that you have feelings that you feel like they don’t love you. Exactly. That that are more, you know, this is going really well and then you’re feeling like we’re just not clicking, we’re not connecting. I don’t know what’s happening. So definitely been through those. Remember Laura telling me one time I hate you? Yeah, that’s a hard one. We laugh about that now, but I tell you it wasn’t funny that day and I mean when she got married and moved away from home and didn’t call me, I cried, she doesn’t love me anymore. And, and, and even, you know, as they’ve been adults, you go through different phases, like she has four Children. So when she was really busy with her Children, I rarely ever saw her and that was a difficult time and now you know her kids are all grown and married and so she has lots of time for me and all of my kids are great in different ways and like every other human being on earth, they all have weaknesses just like I do just like you do and all I can say is work through it and don’t, things will change, keep loving people, you know, they just keep loving people. We need to love people, we don’t have to like everything they do, but we do need to love them unconditionally and we need to always let our Children know. I don’t like what you did, but I love you. Yeah, great advice if you’re one of those parents right now who’s feeling like I just don’t like them a lot right now, hold on, it will change, it will get better

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