1 Peter 2:2124; 3:1,7
There is no way for a marriage to thrive unless husband and wife learn to communicate.
Christ is the master communicator. It was He “who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Peter 2:23).
That is in 1 Peter 2. Then chapter 3 begins, “Wives, likewise…” Verse 7, “Husbands, likewise…” Peter is saying, “As Jesus did, do likewise.”
Seven Communication Problems in Marriage
- Talking Too Much…Or Not Enough
God gave man the mind he needs to be the protector—analytical and tough. He cannot let his emotions get involved too much. Men are not as verbal as women.
But God made the woman to be soft. She is the heartbeat of the home. She is logical, but she brings in emotion, because that is the way God made her.
This is why Peter says, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding” (1 Peter 3:7a), and “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands” (1 Peter 3:1a).
Jesus, “when He was reviled, did not revile in return ” (1 Peter 2:23a). Sometimes marriages have problems because of unforgiving spirits. “‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27).
Do you know what most of the arguments in your home are about? Ego against ego. When we are so interested in exonerating self (pride), we don’t really attack the problem—we attack one another.
When we were distracted and went astray, Jesus came after us and brought us back to Himself. (See 1 Peter 2:25.) Likewise, sometimes, the wife must go after the husband. Sometimes, the husband must go after the wife.
With the grace of God, you can have a wonderful marriage even with great differences. But you have to understand these differences. Being “of one mind” (1 Peter 3:8) takes negotiation and understanding.
We are afraid that if our spouses see us as we really are, they might not like us. It takes trust to do this, and a lot of 1 Peter 3:8—“Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous.”
“He who would love life and see good days….let him seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:10a-11b; emphasis added). You are going to have to make time for your marriage.
Good Communication Practices for Marriage
Here are some suggestions:
Husband, be sensitive. (See 1 Peter 3:7.) Be tender. Listen to her.
Wife, be submissive to your husband. (See 1 Peter 3:1-2.) If she will change, he cannot be the same, because now he is reacting to something different.
Both of you, get alone with God and deal with your egos. Christ in him is not going to fight Christ in her. Both of you, get your life in tune with the Lord, and you will be in tune with one another.
Overlook your spouse’s problems. If your spouse throws fire, you throw water—“not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9).
Change yourself first. The best way to change your spouse is to change yourself. Somebody has to take the initiative—and God holds the man primarily responsible to be the initiator.
Work on it. Husbands, seek her. Wives, seek him. Have some fun! Laugh. Lighten up.
The closest thing to Heaven is a Christian home in which a husband and wife have achieved intimacy—and one of the ways to do it is through good communication.